


Anemones

by TheHomestuckWhovian



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, because that is unavoidable with Hanahaki's Disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 04:19:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10209479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHomestuckWhovian/pseuds/TheHomestuckWhovian
Summary: Matt is forced to make a terrible decision after he finds himself in stage two of Hanahaki Disease.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I am compelled by this simply because medically speaking this is so interesting and disturbing. I have to explore it more.

Matthew Austen Holt had a genetic predisposition for Hanahaki Disease.

His aunt died of it, his uncle had surgery to get rid of it, and his mother was cured of it when his father returned her feelings. His father had not had any recent family with it, but his great grandmother on that side had only barely been cured. With both parents having a history of it, there was always medicine around in case either he or Katie started showing symptoms.

Some people never got it, he knew. Sometimes it came out of nowhere for those whose families had no history of it, or sometimes people experienced unrequited love and never felt the effects once despite family history indicating it.

Still, there was always a sense of terror when approaching romantic situations, which was why Matthew Holt had not been in a serious relationship once in his life.

Everyone was relieved when Katie came out as aromantic, a guarantee that she would never suffer the illness that killed her aunt and her uncle unable to remember the best friend he had fallen in love with.

Matt never let himself fall in love. He had crushes, but never anything serious. He never let himself get that far. His friends all recognized why, of course, because most of his friends were aware of his aunt. She had died when he was in high school. They knew of his genetic likelihood of getting the disease and helped him get over crushes and exes.

It was in college when his carefully constructed plan to never fall in love came crashing down. Because Takashi Shirogane came barreling into his life.

* * *

Takashi "Shiro" Shirogane was a Japanese American boy that was Matt's roommate their first year of college. He was athletic, intelligent, and about ten thousand leagues above Matt socially. And he was also the most genuinely nice fucker Matt had ever met.

Even before they became friends, Shiro would set some take out he bought beside Matt when he was so absorbed in his work he forgot to eat, or ask permission before any of his friends or family were invited to their dorm, or texted him reminding him to take breaks and get enough food or water or exercise. So Matt set his books down and really paid attention to his roommate, and he was glad that he did.

Shiro was second generation American in his family. He had a foster brother who his parents planned on adopting, a boy named Keith, who he adored. He exercised partially because he wanted to set a good example and partially because he liked doing so. Every summer he and Keith went camping. He one day wanted to go to Japan. He planned on being a police detective and was studying criminal justice.

Matt found himself sharing too. He talked about his dad, a biologist who studied the possibility of life on other planets; his mother, a zoologist who was often gone exploring the globe, yet always returned for them; and his sister, computer genius three years ahead of her class and would be farther if her teachers allowed her to be. He talked about his plans to be a forensic scientist.

He told Shiro about his aunt one day, when Shiro found the photo.

"Who is this?" he'd asked, confused.

Matt's face fell, and he explained, "Aunt Lucy. My mom's sister. She died a few years back."

Shiro winced. "I'm sorry. What happened?"

"Hanahaki Disease." Matt shuddered. "She tried confessing, but the feelings weren't returned. She chose not to have surgery. She was visiting us when..."

Shiro bowed his head and nodded.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

"It's okay. You were curious. You didn't know." He took a deep, shaky breath, and added, "The worst part was...when we found her...she was smiling."

"Do you want a hug?" Shiro offered.

Matt nodded and accepted the embrace.

It always hurt to think about his aunt.

* * *

Shiro became and remained Matt's best friend all through college. Shiro got to meet Katie, who had basically done a background check and concluded that Shiro was possibly a perfect human being. Matt met Keith and was given his approval.

They had just started living together in an apartment when Shiro got a devastating call.

Keith had stage two Hanahaki Disease, and he was refusing surgery.

Matt made a very important decision.

* * *

Keith opened his bedroom door to see Matt.

"We're are going to eat and talk," Matt explained carefully. "Got it?"

Keith, confused, nodded.

Matt chose Subway. Choosing a place that was almost never busy and rarely had more than two people in it was a good choice for a serious discussion.

"You have Hanahaki Disease," Matt began. "We both know that. I also know you have refused to consider surgery. So this discussion is to give you an idea of what Hanahaki Disease is like."

Keith scowled, but Matt was undeterred.

"It's not that overly romantic bullshit people make it out to be. Hanahaki Disease is a deadly illness. If left for too long, even before it kills you, your life is seriously changed. The flowers absorb your body's nutrients and water, making you malnourished and dehydrated near constantly. The coughing fits get worse until you are pretty much coughing up blood and flowers all day. Your family is forced to watch you waste away until one day they come home and find you dead."

Keith winced.

Matt continued, "Dying for this isn't worth it, Keith. The fact is, the people who love you will be the most hurt. They'll wonder for the rest of their lives why you let yourself die, why they couldn't convince you to stay."

"I-I don't know what to do," Keith admitted.

"Confess," Matt suggested. Before Keith could argue, he gestured for him to stop, then continued, "Hanahaki Disease means you can't afford to assume. It is more likely to afflict those who were forgotten by a person who underwent surgery. Besides, the person, if they are a friend, at least will know what to expect when you return from surgery. And, if this person does return the feelings, you won't even need surgery at all. If anything, do it for your health. If it doesn't work, I'm asking you, for your parents, your brother, your friends, and, lets be honest, your _life_ , to please get the surgery."

Keith looked at Matt, whose expression was weary and sad, before nodding. Matt sighed, thankful he was able to convince him.

"I don't think the confession will go well," Keith admitted. "But I'll do it."

"Thank you."

* * *

Shiro hugged Matt tightly a week later, crying with relief.

Keith had confessed, and the boy, Lance, had returned the feelings. The doctor's visit confirmed he no longer had any sign of Hanahaki Disease, and all damage caused by the flowers would heal soon.

It was Keith who had told Shiro what had happened, and Shiro thanked Matt over and over as he hugged him.

* * *

"Keith is the only person in my family with any chance of getting Hanahaki Disease," Shiro explained once. "Him getting it was the first time it ever really hit home to me. Me and my parents, we were all tested and we have less than a 5% chance of ever getting it. I never thought anyone I was close to would get it."

"Some people out there romanticize it," Matt noted, frustration at those people who dared think that obvious. "It isn't romantic or beautiful. There is nothing beautiful about dying because you dared to have feelings. My aunt bought into the romantic BS, didn't even get the surgery after the asshole she fell in love with basically left her for the dead. She didn't get surgery, and we had to watch her fade away until Katie one day ran downstairs while she had been visiting, crying and shouting that there was blood and flowers. Aunt Lucy had to be found by my baby sister. She was only four."

"It must have been hard."

"It was. People tried to make her death seem beautiful, but you can't do that. She died in a horrific, painful, devastating way and you want to ask how pretty the flowers were? There was nothing romantic about her death."

Shiro rested a hand against Matt's shoulder, and he took a deep breath, relaxing. 

"Sorry. Thanks, Shiro."

"You know, you can call me Takashi if you want."

Matt blinked, then smiled softly.

"Alright. Takashi."

* * *

Matt planned a small surprise party for Shiro's birthday at the apartment. He quickly got Keith, who invited his friend Hunk and Lance, both of whom where well acquainted with Shiro, and Katie to come. Katie brought peanut butter cookies made by their dad, Hunk brought enough food to feed six elephants, and Lance brought decorations. Everyone had a present.

Shiro didn't stop smiling for the rest of the night. At the end, Shiro had a six awesome presents, Katie had a new nickname, Pidge, and the others had decided to spend the night at the apartment.

Shiro and Matt sat on the couch, looking at the sight. Katie was curled up around her computer, snoring softly. Hunk was halfway under the coffee table, Shiro's extra comforter pulled tightly over him, and Keith and Lance were curled up next to each other, holding each other tightly.

"These kids," Matt muttered, shaking his head with a smile. He looked at Shiro, who looked at his brother with a content smile on his face, and something lurched in his heart.

Shiro looked at him and smiled, and Matt realized in that moment that he was fucked.

* * *

Denial can kill you.

Hanahaki Disease could be delayed in the first stage with medicine, but if you attempt to deny it, you'd find yourself in the second stage with nothing you could do.

So Matt got medicine the moment he felt something wrong, and soon was taking two pills a day.

He already knew who it was for. Shiro was very clearly the object of his affections. The medicine would extend his time until he either got over Shiro or he went into the second stage.

If he got over Shiro in the first stage, the beginning of the plant would wither, and he would be okay. He just had to keep taking his medicine and focus on not letting himself fall any deeper with Shiro.

He would confess to Shiro if he went into the second stage, then get the surgery.

* * *

Matt was visiting home when Katie told him, "Can't hang out today, I'm going to hang out with friends."

"Who are these friends?" Matt asked, curious.

"Keith, Lance, and Hunk."

"Wait, you've been hanging out with them separately from me and Shiro?"

"Sometimes Shiro hangs out with us while you're busy, but yeah," Katie answered, shrugging. "It started off just inviting me along so Hunk wouldn't be the lone third wheel to the Klance power couple, but they kept inviting me along and I guess we became friends."

"They are three years older than you."

"You are eleven years older than me and we are still closer than most siblings," Kate pointed out. "It's not like we are going to clubs or drinking. Most hardcore thing we've done was a Mario Kart tournament and I blue shelled Keith without getting murdered so we're good."

"Alright. I'm glad you have friends, Katie."

"Yeah, me too."

* * *

It was three months later when Matt went into stage two, coughing up white petals.

He read up on second stage. Apparently, getting over the person you loved stalled the flower's growth in the second stage, but falling in love again, even with another person, would cause it to start growing again. Falling in love with a different person, with the feelings reciprocated, left the flower at its stalled state. Some people noted that you never stopped loving your first love, citing this as proof. The best advice for those with a stalled flower was to either have it cut down to a less harmful point or remove it entirely, which would still make you forget the initial object of your affections.

Of course, his attempts during stage one had shown how fucked he was on the getting-over-Shiro path. Going on dates, he just wished he was with Shiro. When Shiro went on dates, it was like a stab to the chest.

He understood Aunt Lucy and Keith a little better, now that he had it. The idea of forgetting Shiro filled him with dread. Even beyond falling in love, Shiro was his best friend, the person Matt could always count on when he needed him, and who he would always be there for in return. There was a good reason he fell in love with him. Forgetting him would be awful.

But he also knew that dying would hurt everyone he cared about. Matt remembered Katie insisting on sleeping in his room because the nightmares from finding Aunt Lucy had woken her up, and knew he couldn't do that to his sister. His mother lost a sister; his father lost a dear friend. He couldn't make them lose a son.

Shiro would rather be forgotten than have Matt die for him. After Keith's case, he wouldn't be able to stand it if he lost a person close to him. Matt wouldn't put him through that.

He would confess, so Shiro would know what was going to happen, then he'd get the surgery. He wouldn't die for this, no matter how much he loved Shiro. He had too many people to live for.

* * *

"Shiro, I-"

"Oh, Matt! Happy birthday! I know you wanted this for a while, so I got it for you!"

* * *

"Hey, Shiro?"

"Sorry, Matt. I've got to take this phone call."

* * *

"Shiro?"

"Oh, Matt, I actually wanted to give you this. It's for a group of family and close friends of those who suffered from Hanahaki's. My friend Allura goes. You should check it out."

* * *

Matt did go to the group meetings a couple of times, talking about his Aunt Lucy and watching her waste away. Many were sympathetic, having gone through similar experiences.

Allura talked about a family friend, Coran, who suffered from it and underwent surgery. He forgot her father, Alfor. Despite forgetting Alfor, Coran managed to befriend him again and remained close to the man and her until Alfor's death a few years back.

That story gave Matt hope that he wouldn't lose Shiro entirely after surgery.

* * *

Allura joined the group, unsurprisingly. She was an awesome person, and much more fun outside of a somber situation like the support group. Still, she was way more responsible than the younger ones. The younger four jokingly called her the dad of the group.

"Who does that make the mom?" Matt asked, curious.

"Shiro," Katie answered, and the man in question choked on his drink. "Matt's the stepdad."

"Wait, so which parent did he marry?" Hunk asked, confused.

Matt smirked and simply answered, "Why not both?"

He missed Shiro turn red when he said that.

* * *

Keith was spending the night when Matt coughed up his first full bloom, a blood stained anemone. That was how he found Matt, staring at the flower with horror and disgust.

"Confess," was all that Keith said, his tone carrying all the seriousness it could.

Matt nodded, promising, "I will."

* * *

According to Keith, he had tiny blue petals when he was still sick with Hanahaki Disease. Further research had him conclude they were myosotis. Forget-me-nots. A bit too on the nose for Keith, in both color (Lance's favorite) and symbolism.

Matt had anemones, white flowers that symbolized forgotten love, or the loss of a loved one. Shiro itself meant white. Again, way too on the fucking nose.

That was one of the worst things Hanahaki Disease; the fucking symbolism of the flowers always hit you where it hurt.

Aunt Lucy had white carnations, Matt remembered, a flower for funerals. It was as if the flower knew she would die before she accepted it.

* * *

Matt tried his hardest to confess to Shiro. It was getting to the point where Shiro almost appeared to be avoiding it, except the interruptions were so varied and random Shiro couldn't have made them up. So Matt always promised tomorrow.

He was getting worse. He had lost weight and constantly had to drink water to avoid dehydration. He had to get to Shiro before this killed him.

Would the universe just fucking let him already?

* * *

"Shiro, we need to talk."

"Not now, Matt. I have to go help-"

"Takashi."

That got his attention. He stopped and looked at Matt's pleading eyes, seeming surprised by how serious this situation was.

"It can't wait," Matt gravely insisted.

Shiro sat down on the couch and motioned for him to continue.

"I-" before he could continue, he let out a horrible cough. Shiro was instantly alert, on his feet in seconds.

"Do you need water, Matt?"

"I l-" he coughed up a blood stained anemone with a fucking stem, and began gasping for breath. He could barely breathe, and the pain-oh god the pain was horrible. He was practically crying.

He thought he had more fucking time than this, dammit! Why the fuck did it have to be now?!

"Shit." Shiro looked at the flower for a moment before snatching his keys from the coffee table. "We have to get you to the hospital, Matt."

He tried to speak, but nothing came out. He simply cried in pain as Shiro helped him to the car and drove to the hospital as fast as he could.

* * *

He woke up and nearly cried with relief that he recognized Shiro. He knew doctors legally weren't allowed to remove the flower without his permission, but still was scared they might do it.

His throat was sore, but the temporary loss of the flower was a relief. They must have cut it down to save his life for the time being. He looked at the IV attached to his arm, likely providing him nutrients the flower kept absorbing.

Shiro gripped his hand tightly, and Matt squeezed back, drawing his attention.

"Pidge is going to kill you," Shiro instantly began, then winced and added, "Sorry, probably not the best conversation starter in this situation."

"It's fine. I don't blame her. I was going to tell her." _After I confessed_ , he mentally added. "So, what did the doctors say my time frame was for regrowth?"

"Twenty-four hours until it gets to a concerning height again. They want you to make a decision before that."

Matt nodded, saying, "I've already made it."

"Who do I need to call?" Shiro asked.

Before Matt could answer, Keith, Lance, and Hunk barged in, Keith's glare threatening to burn a hole into his skull.

Another interruption.

Nope.

"I love you guys," Matt promised, holding up a hand to stop Lance's talking, "but I can't talk right now. Just go make sure to intercept Katie before she gets here and murders me, okay?"

"Are you sure?" Hunk asked, concerned.

"Yes." Dead sure sounded a bit too inappropriate right now.

All three looked at each other and moved out into the hallway, Keith giving him a look. Mat gave a solemn nod in response.

"Okay, what did you say again?" Matt asked Shiro, a bit confused.

"The person you're in love with. Do I need to call them so you can confess?" Shiro looked really anxious, which wasn't surprising. Matt had let this disease go on for too long. He should have insisted on Shiro listening before.

"No."

"You are going to get the surgery, right?" Shiro asked, looking terrified. "I-I don't want you to die. You have to get it, right? Because of Pidge and your family and-"

"Takashi."

Like before, that got him to stop and listen.

"Yes, I'm going to get the surgery," Matt promised, a sad smile on his face. "As much as it metaphorically kills me, I promised myself I would get it, for everyone I have to live for. And I am going to confess before I do, because I don't want him to not expect it when I forget him."

Shiro nodded. "Then who do you need me to call?"

"No one."

The fact that it took Shiro a good solid moment to realize what Matt meant would have been funny if Matt didn't know he'd forget.

"You mean...he's..." Shiro's expression should have been hilarious, but all Matt wanted to do was cry.

"I love you, Takashi," Matt said, a sad smile on his face. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, save for Katie being born, and I don't want to forget you. The idea that I won't recognize you when I wake up kills me. You are my best friend and a part of my family, and I don't want to let you go. But I can't let myself die for these memories. Not when Katie and my parents already lost someone to this. I tried to tell you over and over again, so it wouldn't get to this point, but every time something would happen, and I'd have to wait. By the time I tried to push it, it was too late."

Shiro still looked shocked as Matt wiped his face, smile not leaving it.

"Anyway, thank you, Takashi. I'm sorry about having to go through with this."

Shiro suddenly stood up and sat on Matt's bed, grabbing his hand tightly.

"You are one of the best things to happen to me too," Shiro answered. "And I hate that you felt like you weren't, so much so that it almost killed you. You have been there for me since we first became friends. You saved my baby brother's life. And you never stopped being the best friend I ever had, so much so that I couldn't help falling in love with you too, Matt."

It wasn't an instantaneous thing, but Matt soon felt the plant wither inside his chest, and the rush of air into his lungs as, for the first time since he reached the second stage, he could breathe properly.

He started crying with relief, both from the flower itself being gone and that he'd never have to forget Shiro. Shiro began crying too, and they hugged each other tightly as they did.

Neither noticed the four heads peeking in.

"Ugh, now I have to wait to kill him," Pidge muttered, her glare furious.

"Of course Shiro accidentally kept Matt from confessing," Keith muttered, rolling his eyes. "I should have suggested Shiro confess to Matt. This would've been handled weeks ago."

"Shh!" Lance shushed the two.

"What are you four doing?"

They turned to see Allura, eyebrow raised and hands on her hips.

Shit.

* * *

Hanahaki Disease itself went away once the feelings were deemed to be mutual, but the affects didn't for a while.

Matt's throat was messed up, more so than Keith's since he let his go on for so long. He required periodic check ups while it was healing to make sure scar tissue didn't obstruct his breathing. The doctor informed him how lucky he was that his vocal cords weren't damaged.

White anemones unnerved him now, in the same way white carnations had since Aunt Lucy died. He avoided them as often as he could.

According to studies, only 7% of those who suffered from Hanahaki Disease got it again, but there were still measures to avoid it. Be upfront with your feelings, keep a bottle of medicine around, etc.

Katie quite nearly did rip his head off when she finally got alone time with him, though she did forgive him once he informed her of the constant set backs and how he was going to tell her after he confessed. He made a promise to never hide something like that from her again. She informed him, quite emphatically, that he should have told her the moment he went into the first stage.

The first major step in his and Shiro's relationship was turning Matt's room into an office space, and Matt himself moving into Shiro's room. A small step, but they were still new to this.

Katie joined Matt in going to the support group, and finally fully talked about what it was like finding Aunt Lucy, and how she struggled with the experience for a long time. She talked about how she hated that some people assumed her being aromantic was trauma from the experience and not just who she was. The rest of the group was very supportive, as indicated by the name.

Lance also ended up joining, though it wasn't Matt's place to say why.

Things weren't normal, to say the least. Matt was sure he'd never forget the feeling of the horrible coughing fits, or that horrible moment during his attempted confession where he thought he might die. He still hated anemones with a passion.

But he woke up with Shiro curled up next to him and there was no place he'd rather be.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if everyone knows this, but calling someone their personal name in Japan with no honorifics is a sign that you are extremely close. I think about that every time I read Matt calling Shiro Takashi.
> 
> Hanahaki Disease is a romantic illness, but that is the thing about disease. It isn't romantic. Especially something deadly and horrifying like this. I didn't romanticize it because there is nothing romantic about the fate, like Matt said. It as an awful disease, targeting those who feel unrequited love. Do you realize how common that is?!
> 
> Perhaps it is because I'm aromantic, but I wouldn't let myself die for this. My family is extremely important to me, and letting myself die would be a punch in the gut to them. That's what I wanted to show in this story. Because these stories always focus on the couple, never the impact on the family and friends of the afflicted. Would you die for one person if you had so many people who loved and cared for you and wanted you to live more than anything?
> 
> Since I'm exploring the medical part, I added symptoms. The absorbing of nutrients and water from your body was my idea, since the flowers are kind of like a parasite, right? There is also a healing process, since having a plant growing in your body is gonna fuck something up. I also added genetic likelihood, and made some extremely unlikely to get it, like Shiro. If I had made it so everyone who felt unrequited love got Hanahaki Diseas, everyone in this fucking story would be throwing up flowers.
> 
> I answered some questions that weren't answered in anything else. Does it go away if you get over them? What if you fall in love with someone else and that is reciprocated? How well does the medicine handle the first stage? Does it delay it or stop it in its tracks? Can doctors remove it without your permission in an emergency? If not, what do they do?
> 
> There was a lot of conjecture and guessing. I had to make shit up. That's what happens when you never see the medical horror story side of this illness.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
>  **Edit:** So, yeah, I made a mistake. It is Hanahaki Disease, not Hanahaki _'s_ Disease. I edited this to fix that, and to add one missing question mark, but otherwise there was no editing.
> 
> Anyway, I want to say thank you to everyone who gave this story kudos or commented! I am so glad you liked this story so much! A few of you actually told me you read this even though you dislike Hanahaki Disease fics and I really appreciate that you gave this fic a chance and enjoyed it!
> 
> I hope my future works don't disappoint you guys!


End file.
